The best question anyone ever asked You

September 22nd, 2015

What is the best question you have ever been asked?

I mean one that actually made you stop and think. One that kept coming back simply because you knew there is a ton of wisdom waiting… once you figured out your answer

Perhaps that powerful question helped you see a truth about yourself which you haven’t seen before. One that shifted your perception or caused a change inside of you. What question do you like to ask of yourself time and time again ever since you first got it from someone else? Or perhaps one that made a real difference for the rest of your life..!

I know it may sound a bit weird and you may wonder why I’m thinking about this.A friend of mine who started a coaching education recently approached me asking: How do I come up with the right questions?

Of course, there is no right or wrong question. For it’s never about the question as much as it is about the specific person and the unique situation they’re in. Rather than perfect questions I see instead perfect moments when we’re so ready that a single question can be all it takes to put us into motion and make us flip the switch. In any case, that conversation with my friend made me think:

What is the most powerful question I have ever actually received?

Let me share threethat came to mind immediately.

1. The first goes very far back into my childhood when a family member asked me:

Who do you love the most?

I remember that made me think for a good few hours as I felt a single name was expected but I wasn’t at all comfortable with excluding all the other people that I loved.

2. Years later during a public speaking class it was the following question from the trainer:

People will eventually forget what you were talking about, but they will never forget how they felt in your presence… How would you like to make them feel?

This became one of my favorite questions to ask; since then when I’m about to present I take a moment to get very clear onthis.

How would you like to make people feel?

3. Last but not least, I’d love to share a question I received from a life coach Jan F. Bim:

What is my true life purpose?

This qualifies as a life-changing question for me. After an hour of contemplating onthe question and listing all that emerged to me I felt such a peace looking at what I felt was indeed my real purpose in this life… And, by the way, the answer to that question has been a trigger for this whole website ;)

Have you ever got a single question that made a difference in your own life?

I’m curious to hear your story!

With purpose,

Jana

Comments

Love this post! Of course, I would - I, too, believe in the amazing power of a single question asked at the right time. I was asked a simple question as part of a Radical Leadership retreat by Therese Kienast about 10 years ago, one that I continually ask myself: What do you want? I was surprised to discover how often the answer is not clear. Sure, I can come up with answers when I think it through; however, it's when I really listen inside that the meaningful answers come. This question seems related to your last question about your purpose - what I really want, in my heart, probably stems from my purpose. What do you think?

Thank you for pointing out the difference between an intellectual answer coming stricly from our head and an intuitive response emerging from deep within. We are tought to search our minds not hearts...and you can FEEL the difference. Listening to our heart can be challenging, because we are so disconnected from ourselves and our true feelings. However, if our subconscious has the power and intelligence similar to Watson computer then our "thinking mind" is about the capacity of a post-it ;-)
During the exercise I mentioned one goes into meditative alpha state and then keeps repeating the question capturing anything that emerges. After a while the intellect (and ego) gets bored and lets the true self speak. I too like to call it listening to my heart and soul. And clearly, that's the place to connect to my purpose ;-)
Thanks again for sharing your story!

Hi Jana! I liked the post as well, it is very simple, but straightforward.
Indeed, it depends always on the situation, but I personally like one question that I asked myself regularly (and is quite simple as well - I guess the best questions are like that, as your number 3).
The question is "Am I happy?" Steve Jobs had similar question, he asked himself after each day if that had been his last day, had it really been something he would have liked to do?! And if the answer was "no" for too many days in row, he knew he needed to change something. Also my mentor told me once that he and his wife go to an open space twice a really, somewhere where they are completely alone, like mountains, and ask each other honestly whether they had been happy in the last 6 months and if not, why and what they needed to change.
I do this exercise as well and it helps me to shape my life regularly. I guess the most difficult thing is to be completely honest with yourself and find the root cause and dig deep if you are not happy.

Jani, thanks for this post. When looking back at my transformation there was a very wise woman in the beginning asking one simple question - Are you happy? It took me long time to go beyond my ego to find out what it really is. I had to start workin on my personal development a lot so I could feel rather than think. As a subset to this question I started with Why am I not happy? Followed by What would make me happy? and ended with What makes me happy? That is basically following also the way of my transformation from Why I don't have what I suppose I should to What I think I need and finally arriving in status of appreciation of what I have. Still there are situations with stress, frustration, pain in my life - and in these moments I have another question which helps - What is the worst thing which can happen? And that basically brings me back grounded in present. Happy present.
I must say that living your life being and feeling happy now and not in the future once you have this and that... it makes life much more easier. And I'm sure there is such a question for everyone - in the right moment of your life, you only need to listen. One question which starts the transformation.

Thanks Martin, indeed, such simple question may have a profound effect on the way we live. I love your ritual of taking time to disconnect from distractions and listen to yourself going deep to the roots. I find meditation very helpful for both calming the mind and being honest and authentic with myself. You might also like my post titled What if today was the last day: http://www.janamitzoda.com/what-if-today-was-the-last-day/

Ahoj Sarko, I appreciate your comments! It's awesome how you found yourself in the process. I believe the steps you describe are essential in any transformation: 1. Awareness & Gratitude for what is 2. Exploration of what could be 3. Choice to take an action in the desired direction. I love how considering the worst case scenario helps you be more calm and mindful. I also like to ask: What's the best that can happen? I can use the energy of the desired future to get me in the zone ;-) Happy present!

1. What would you want not to be afraid of?
2. What is your contract with yourself?
3. What are you ready to commit to?
4. How ready are you for change?
5. If the worst happened, what would the silver lining be?
6. What are you like at your best?
7. What does the gap between success and failure lokk like?

Thanks for these awesome questions, Leni. If you feel like sharing a story on one that had the most transformative impact on you we'd all love to hear it..!

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